Yes, today’s rant is dedicated to those folks who seem to lose all common sense when in the presence of a shopping cart. People who under normal circumstances are courteous, polite, and dare I say it, benevolent. People who are perfectly capable of operating motor vehicles with some degree of expertise, but have trouble when it comes to something more simple and compact. They usually fall into the following categories:
1. The Cart Thief
This person upon seeing a cart, feels the need to commandeer it for their own use. At times, they are compelled to steal because the item(s) they are carrying exceed their personal carrying capacity. Other times, it’s just the shiny gleam of chrome, or the bright plastic that pushes them over the edge; like the very thought of them not pushing a cart around is too much for them bear. They must have one, and as soon as the the coast is clear, they go for it. It doesn’t matter if the cart has items already inside, because those things can always be placed on a shelf for an unsuspecting sales associate to discover. Kind of like an easter egg, but not as much fun. Oh, and if the cart belongs to said associate, well, all the better because what the hell do they need it for? They’re supposed to be working, not shopping!
If you happen to catch them in the act (as I have done on several occasions), don’t expect a formal request for your cart or an apology for the attempted theft. Instead, expect a long drawn out reason why they need your cart. My favorite is, “It’s just too far to walk to get one of my own,” said in direct eyesight of the cart well.
2. The Abandoner
Yeah, abandoner might not be a word, but it fits perfectly for the shopper who has a cart, but decides they don’t want it anymore. So, they just set it free, mostly in the middle of high-traffic corridor. Or, my personal favorite, in the middle of primo parking space. It’s like they know it’s a good space and they want to spoil it for everyone. These shoppers are also the first ones to complain that there are never any carts when they come shopping at your store. Maybe, if you tried keeping the one you just had, say three minutes ago, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.
3. The Drunk Pusher
These by far are the worse. What is so hard about pushing a cart? It doesn’t have an engine. No breaks. No steering wheel. And yet, it baffles the most conscientious of drivers. Drivers who drive on the right side of the road, but push a shopping cart on the wrong side of an aisle. Drivers who swerve upon see oncoming obstacles on the road, but continue on a collision course, blinded by some florescent reflection off polished linoleum. Drivers who don’t stop in the middle of the road just because, but stop in the middle of an aisle to admire the way a particular sales sign hangs from the ceiling. You irritate me! Run over my toes or into a another fixture, knocking ever sign to the ground one more time, and I’ll give you such an angry look… once your back is safely turned of course.