Is The Gay Community THAT Superficial?

29 Jan


So, yesterday I overheard this conversation about overweight, gay men. I don’t really know how it started, because my earbuds were blasting something from iTunes into both my ears. However, when I overheard someone loudly say that, “there’s nothing worse than being a fat, gay men,” I couldn’t get those things out of my ears faster enough to hear the rest.

Apparently, none of the conversationalists knew of a gay man that was overweight and they began to make assumptions that the life an overweight gay person leads is something to be pitied. There was even a comment that the gay community was so body obsessed that a need arose to create clubs and communities where people who were not a size 28 could feel accepted and/or loved. At this point, I don’t really think that my mouth could have dropped any further towards the floor.  Needless to say, I got through the conversation without busting out my two cents thanks to iTunes, but of course, the damage had been done. The insult had burrowed into my mind and had begun to fester.

Now, I consider myself a gay male with some extra pounds, so I had to honestly ask myself is the gay community THAT superficial? Yes, I’ve been shot down before, but I’d like to think it was because I was approaching the wrong people; people who didn’t care about me and who wouldn’t care about me if we were to become friends/lovers/whatever. Yes, seeing “no fats” on every other gay personal is frustrating, but then again that’s just their preference and their loss, right? Yes, there is pressure to be slim or more muscular, but isn’t that a preference not shared by all gay men? Maybe my fat ass is just being naive, but I’d like to think there are guys out there who are not just attracted to the size 28s, because if what I overheard is any inkling of the truth, then it kind of makes me not want to be gay anymore. Unfortunately, that sucks because there’s not a hell of a lot I can do to change that.

It pains me to hear shit like that, it does. There are too many people dealing with weight and body issues on the brink of doing something drastic. Overhearing a conversation like that is enough to drive them over the edge (and no, I’m nowhere near that point, so relax). I’m not sure what else to say, so I guess this is the end of this post for now.


Posted by on January 29, 2008 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , ,

6 responses to “Is The Gay Community THAT Superficial?

  1. Chrissy Deem

    January 30, 2008 at 2:09 am

    Aren’t all men in general like that? I’ve heard men talking about not dating women with cankles. Really?

  2. Ty

    January 30, 2008 at 9:49 am

    Well, a vast majority of them are, but please say there is maybe some out there that may found cankles sexy? In fact, I have one. Bill Clinton!

  3. Miki

    January 31, 2008 at 10:06 am

    all i have to say is that the”no fats” is a great way for the rest of us to weed out the idiots from our lives. i hope you don’t mind me sounding harsh, but that’s the way i see it. we live in a sexist society, and that is where i think it all comes from. i think what your friends say has some truth, but it’s not really the truth, because the way i see it, people tend to date people who are similar to themselves. just because there is that attitude from obnoxiouses doesn’t mean that people are truly and realistically out-casted inside the community.

  4. William

    February 29, 2008 at 3:13 am

    I believe it is a bigger issue in society because people are constantly made to feel as if they aren’t pretty enough unless their looks are enhanced with the power of make up. Remember when Tyra Banks was told she was fat? It is my belief that there will always be some individuals that like twinks, muscular men and as older folks say “healthy” people. But it is what is it, just perception of others that different people have in their lives. I wouldn’t isolate it to just the gay community because society as a whole is superficial. You have your label whores that will not wear or drink anything unless it is designer. Look at the success of Starbucks; people are willing to pay $5.00 or more for designer coffee on a daily basis.

  5. Robbie

    February 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I am a gay male who has no friends whatsoever. Been mistreated by a lot of people. But my buddhist practice is what keeps me going. Chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and you will overcome obstacles in your life. I know there are members of Soka Gakkai who are superficial and all that. I don’t bother with them because I am much more better than they are. I am better person because I treat people the way I want to be treated. If they can’t do that, hell with em.
    Looks aren’t everything. Male Models wear makeup, have plastic surgery, have photos airbrushes and retouched. Nothing is real in photos. You have to keep believing in yourself and don’t let jealousy overrun you. It’s not worth the pain and suffering.

    Hell does exist and it exists in our lives, Whenever we go through struggles at our lowest levels in our lives, that’s when it comes out. There are 10 worlds we live in. Hell,Hunger,Animality,Anger (they are the lower of the 10 worlds).Humanity,Rapture,Learning,Realization,Bodhissatva,and finally Buddhahood (Enlightenment).

    Each one of us possesses those capabilities of getting to Buddhahood. And we are all potentially there. Some days we are at the lower of the 10. Buddhahood is difficult to get to.

  6. vuelvemi1

    April 17, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    It’s truly disheartening to hear this! Society is so cruel that those who are willing to love up to society’s standards will do so and make others feel bad who don’t. I am a thick guy and I know the feeling of being rejected because if my appearance my whole life. I used to want to be like everyone else so bad that I took pills and starved myself to fit in. I only hurt myself in the long run emotionally. In this day and age so many people are honestly afraid to be by themselves and will lover their own standards because society won’t raise theirs. The people in that conversation you overheard can go to hell! More so, it shows that they don’t like who they are and will belittle others to feel superior. Live yourself first before others can love you.


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