Yeah, I seem to have pissed him off readers. So much so he identified himself via the comments sections. I guess he doesn’t agree with my synopsis of our conversations, so, if we speak again, those conversations will never grace the pages of this blog again.
Again Marvin, I apologize and wish you all the best.
So, totally pissed right now. I had a really good post for these two and totally deleted it a second ago. Oh, well. These two PSAs are really creepy, but not really that effective in my opinion. Let me know what you think.
So, this wild card is a little old, but it’s worth re-visiting because someday you’ll want to rent a car. And when the day comes, I hope to God you don’t have an experience like this one.
I get a call from a good friend of mine. He’s reserved a rental car to drive home for a visit. Of course, he needs my help since he hasn’t quite mastered the art of driving two cars at once (keep trying buddy!). Deciding to travel in style, he’s reserved himself a Chevy Camaro. This requires a special trip to Atlanta Hartsfield International. At the mere mention of the airport, I begin to fear that things may go horribly wrong.
We roll down there, pull into the Avis Rental parking lot, and head inside to the counter. On the way, I can feel the excitement welling up inside my buddy. He’s gleefully checking out all the Camaros on the lot, hoping for one in yellow. For a few minutes, I’m excited for him. For a few minutes, I’ve forgotten that we’ve entered the seventh layer of hell. A place where planes are never on time. Where customer service is a new-age term no one’s heard of. Where being “ghetto” is a pre-requisite for employment.
We get to the counter and my buddy hands over his info. Before the counterperson enters anything into the system, there’s a problem. My buddy has reserved with a debit card, and per company policy, she is unable to rent him a Camaro. All the happy inside him dissipates slowly like pin-pricked balloon. Instantly, he is pissed. Why was he able to make the online reservation with a debit card? Why, when he actually double-check for issues with a live person (he’s slightly anal), there was no mention of said policy? Response: an uninterested shrug followed by, “I don’t know what to tell you, that’s the policy.”
My friend remains calm. He’s disappointed over not getting the car he wants, but hey, a rental car is a rental car and he needs one to get home. The counterperson says she can get him into a Jetta. A Jetta is not a Camaro, but it’s cute. She than quotes him an outrageous price. My friend is like, ”Wow, that’s high have your rates changed since I last rented from you in March” to which the counterperson says, “Well, I’m sure they have. This is the in-store rate. If you did it online it would be cheaper.” Undeterred by her flippant retort, my friend whips out his phone, makes an online reservation and saves himself at least $50. He gives her the reservation number and we wait. She enters his info, stares at the screen, and issues a sigh signaling another problem.
“Per company policy, we run a credit check through Equifax for renters using a debit card. They’ve denied you, so we can’t rent you a car.” Now, my deflated balloon of a buddy has been set on fire and stamped out with a size 12 boot. Of course, he’s wondering how could this be? And frankly, at this point so am I. A credit check, while unusual and new for Avis, seemed reasonable. But, barring total identity theft, there was no way my buddy wouldn’t have passed muster. In addition, he had just rented with Avis in March using the exact same card causing the current problem. We tried explaining this to the counterperson who said she couldn’t find any record of my buddy ever renting a car from Avis. Again, we were genuinely shocked, because we knew it happened. You don’t forget a road trip that long. Judging by her lack of interest in our situation and her unwillingness to “try harder,” we just knew we weren’t leaving with a car.
Defeated, we left to have dinner, a few drinks, and a good bitch session. My friend ended up driving his own car, and thankfully, he made it there and back without a hitch. One thing is for certain: He’s never renting a car from Avis again. And, since they show no record of him ever renting one in the first place, he shouldn’t be missed.
Yes, today’s rant is dedicated to those folks who seem to lose all common sense when in the presence of a shopping cart. People who under normal circumstances are courteous, polite, and dare I say it, benevolent. People who are perfectly capable of operating motor vehicles with some degree of expertise, but have trouble when it comes to something more simple and compact. They usually fall into the following categories:
1. The Cart Thief
This person upon seeing a cart, feels the need to commandeer it for their own use. At times, they are compelled to steal because the item(s) they are carrying exceed their personal carrying capacity. Other times, it’s just the shiny gleam of chrome, or the bright plastic that pushes them over the edge; like the very thought of them not pushing a cart around is too much for them bear. They must have one, and as soon as the the coast is clear, they go for it. It doesn’t matter if the cart has items already inside, because those things can always be placed on a shelf for an unsuspecting sales associate to discover. Kind of like an easter egg, but not as much fun. Oh, and if the cart belongs to said associate, well, all the better because what the hell do they need it for? They’re supposed to be working, not shopping!
If you happen to catch them in the act (as I have done on several occasions), don’t expect a formal request for your cart or an apology for the attempted theft. Instead, expect a long drawn out reason why they need your cart. My favorite is, “It’s just too far to walk to get one of my own,” said in direct eyesight of the cart well.
2. The Abandoner
Yeah, abandoner might not be a word, but it fits perfectly for the shopper who has a cart, but decides they don’t want it anymore. So, they just set it free, mostly in the middle of high-traffic corridor. Or, my personal favorite, in the middle of primo parking space. It’s like they know it’s a good space and they want to spoil it for everyone. These shoppers are also the first ones to complain that there are never any carts when they come shopping at your store. Maybe, if you tried keeping the one you just had, say three minutes ago, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.
3. The Drunk Pusher
These by far are the worse. What is so hard about pushing a cart? It doesn’t have an engine. No breaks. No steering wheel. And yet, it baffles the most conscientious of drivers. Drivers who drive on the right side of the road, but push a shopping cart on the wrong side of an aisle. Drivers who swerve upon see oncoming obstacles on the road, but continue on a collision course, blinded by some florescent reflection off polished linoleum. Drivers who don’t stop in the middle of the road just because, but stop in the middle of an aisle to admire the way a particular sales sign hangs from the ceiling. You irritate me! Run over my toes or into a another fixture, knocking ever sign to the ground one more time, and I’ll give you such an angry look… once your back is safely turned of course.
But, a real store, one made with bricks and concrete, with merchandise and hardworking people inside is not. You actually have to leave, come in, and walk around (hell, you don’t even have to do that thanks to motorized carts) to find the things you’d like to purchase.
If you haven’t figured it out, today’s Retail Rant is a salute to the Stay-At-Home Shopper. The person who thinks everything they could ever want to buy should be obtained from the comfort of their La-Z-Boy or sofa. Those people who call actual stores and ask a thousand questions, most beginning with, “Do you have…?”, “How much is…?”, and “If I have corner about yay big, do you think (insert item here) would fit?”
Who do you think you are, Stay-At-Home Shopper? Or, better yet, who do you think I am? Last time I checked you weren’t paying me to be your personal assistant. And, contrary to popular belief, the world outside is not that bad. You should venture out. Introduce your pale skin to some good old sunshine. Try the kind of social networking that doesn’t involved the Internet. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m getting off the phone to help someone who actually took the time to do this right. Whatever you were wanting, I hope they get the last one.
