Halloween Randomness!
Yes, this is a Wednesday Wild Card. Yes, it’s Thursday. Someone maybe haunting my blog and randomly posting late posts. No, just playing. Wednesday was just such a busy day for me, there was no time left to squeeze in blog, so here you go.
So, Halloween randomness. Have you ever wondered if you’d be the person to survive a horror flick? And, not just because one of your friends took some crappy FB quiz and is now asking you to humiliate yourself as well, but for reals. Like when you’re watching Mike Myers carve up his latest victim, do you ever wonder, could that be me? Or, could I be his sister (Jamie Lee, not the new girl) who always miraculously comes out unharmed?
Well, I thought about it, and looking at the types of people who are offed in these thing, honestly, the odds don’t look good. Let’s break it down shall we.
1. I’m gullible. If that doesn’t say victim, I don’t know what does.
2. My curiosity is rampant. Yeah, common sense says don’t go down the creepy, dark hallway, but what if cookies are down there? I’ll never know unless you look.
3. I’m African-American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spare me the comments, but I’m sorry. When was the last time a black character ever survived a horror movie? I can think of only one. Brandy in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Even with the Scary Movie franchise, Brenda has died twice, Shorty has had his brain removed, and Ray, well… Ray was just weird.
4. I’m not a virgin. (Hope, Mom’s not reading this one).
5. I don’t have a deep, dark, painful past from whence to draw the strength to fight off an attacker. Just the usual stuff.
The good news:
1. I’m happy-go-lucky. The guy who provides the comic relief at least survives the first movie. Maybe, not the sequel.
2. I don’t have huge breasts. My man boobs are smallish in nature, so a killer may not be drawn to me.
3. I’m African-American. Cedric the Entertainer said it best. When stuff goes down, we’re the first ones out. We’ll start running if we see someone else running, and won’t think to ask why we’re doing it until we’re a safe distance away. And, I’m up to three miles now, so unless it’s a super-fast-mutated, 28 days, Dawn Of The Dead, mega zombie, I can put some distance between me and would be attacker.
So, what’s your favorite scary flick? And, will you be watching it this Halloween? Is there anything you can’t handle when it comes to horror? For me (in no particular order), it’s zombies, torture, and creepy children.
Retail Is Hell (Sometimes). Where’s My Horror Movie?
With Halloween fast approaching, it’s time the Retail Rant got a little spooky.
So, my mind drifted to horror movies while at work yesterday. Having just seen Paranormal Activity the night before, my frame of mind wasn’t entirely off base. As each rude customer darkened my day, I began to wonder if there was a scary movie made specifically about retail. Quickly, I scanned the very limited library of scary movies seen in my lifetime (having shied away from most of them because of my intense fear of my own shadow). In the end, I was only able to come up with movies taking place in a retail spaces. The only one coming close to featuring a deranged salesperson was One Hour Photo. Man! Never was so scared of Robin Williams than after seeing that movie.
So, here’s your challenge readers. Find me a movie featuring a crazy salesperson. Someone so fed up with answering the same asinine questions, cleaning up after the grossest customers, and being treated like the lowest common denominator that he/she just snaps and starts slashing more than just sales prices! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I’m better now. Enjoy this scene from One Hour Photo.
Love Muffins and Double Kisses! Oh My!
So, if you haven’t heard about B. Scott, then let me introduce you to one of the most creative, outspoken, inspirational, and unique personalities on the web. He’s splendiferous, divine, and reigns over an entertainment empire that includes a website, a YouTube channel, and his newest venture, his very own talk show. And, what empire is complete without it’s own lexicon? Phrases such as “gutta, butt trollop”, ”bitch, boo bye!”, and “double kisses” are not only catchy, but so appropriate. Spreading his personal philosophy of honesty and self love, he has entertained the many who follow him: followers he affectionately calls “love muffins.”
B. Scott’s drive to achieve his destiny, to be himself no matter what, and to let no one stop his journey is what personally draws me to him. Not to mention, he’s freaking hilarious! So, while it may not be “Tap Your Neighbor” Tuesday, Sunday is definitely a great day to be seen on the Corner.
Sara’s Secret: Cucumber | Ads of the World
Did this run in the states? If so, was it at 3 a.m. sandwiched between an Enzyte and Girls Gone Wild ad? Well, if it didn’t run here, it was definitely made in the US (in Dallas to be exact) by an agency called Dieste. Personally, I think it’s funny and memorable, Sara’s Secret is definitely on my list of stores to go to the next time I’m out shopping for sex toys. The only disturbing part is that the cucumber is back in the refrigerator (and under a pizza!) at the end.
FALL!
Autumn. Autumnal solstice. No matter how you say it, it’s pretty freaking sweet! The weather is cool and crisp. The air is filled with the smell of burning firewood. And, let’s not forget the leaves; proof that nature is even more beautiful when it’s slowly dying. Truth be told, Fall is the best season out of the four. Tons better than the pollen-headed, allergy inducing, step-season called Spring. And, to the segment of the population who suffers from fall allergies, let me just say this: I feel you and I’m going to let you finish, but Fall is the best season of all time! No seriously, let me enjoy this wonderful time twice as much, just for you.
To commemorate fall’s arrival (and to stay active), I decided to take a stroll through the park. Lucky for you, I took my camera. The leaves here are just starting to turn, so look for another wild card on this very subject. Hopefully, with better pictures.
So, I totally misjudged the shorter day while I was out. The sunset shots were awesome. Being caught on a wooded, hiking trail with darkness falling all around was not. It’s amazing how much an out-of-breath jogger sounds like a psycho killer.
